We’re doomed, DOOMED!
Shocking new figures have revealed that UK plc is being suffocated by the burden of participating in surveys, commissioned to establish what workers do with what little time they have in between participating in surveys.
It turns out that if you add up all the time we spend answering questions regarding what we do at work, factor in the time it takes to decide whether or not to participate, allow for the additional time spent breathing, scratching, chewing on pens and generally daydreaming, multiply by the resources - like electricity and air - effectively stolen from employers while doing all this, and extrapolate over 24/7/365, a total of a zillion working hours a year are lost to UK business.
This means that, at the current rate of survey-related worker profligacy, UK business would actually be better off if it sacked everyone and just sat there, staring at the wall.
Of course, the above story is a joke, but it was inspired by a press release from IT services company Morse that revealed: "Twitter and social networks cost UK businesses over £1.38 billion per year in lost productivity".
The rationale goes as follows: 57 percent of the 1,460 office workers surveyed said they spend 40 whole minutes per week on social networking sites. Extrapolated over a year this equates to just under a FULL WORKING WEEK being WASTED by these layabout employees. How the £1.38 billion figure is arrived at is never revealed.
"When it comes to an office environment the use of these sites is clearly becoming a productivity black hole," said Philip Wicks, consultant at Morse. He then went on, perhaps unsurprisingly, to suggest companies enforce sensible usage policies - something Morse can presumably help them with.
The release goes on to bring up some fairly sensible stuff concerning the threat posed by shortened URLs and ill-conceived tweeting, while actually conceding "...the use of social networks can help facilitate closer ties with employees and customers." But where's the headline in that?
